Men and women converse differently and they have distinctive needs.
A woman may desire to share her feelings openly and often. Many men on the other hand try to maintain peace by solving problems quickly and avoiding difficult issue. How then can you bridge these differences and have a healthy conversation with your spouse?
As a child, you may have learned to respect people who have more authority or experience than you have.
In marriage, the challenge is to show respect to someone with whom you are on an equal footing – your spouse.
If you can listen patiently and speak respectfully to friends, are you just as considerate to your spouse?
Disrespect create ill-feeling in the home and leads to bitter dispute. How then can you converse with your spouse respectfully? Let us consider some advice from the scriptures.
Many people talk more than they listen; are you one of them? (Prov 18:13)
If you and your spouse need to talk about any issue that has the potential for becoming an argument, raise the issue when both of you are calm and in a relaxation mood. Do not confront your spouse forcefully or angrily; instead, present the issue or ask questions gently and respectfully and be patient if your spouse does not respond as quickly as you would like.
When he/she responds, be a good listener and be slow to speech (James 1:19); remember that a good listener listens not only with the ear but with the heart also.
Wait until your spouse has finished talking and be sure that you understand what was expressed.
When your spouse speak, try to understand his/her feelings; your spouse will sense your level of respect or disrespect by the way you listen. Remember he/she is likely looking for your heartfelt compassion not a quick solution. So listen closely and allow your emotions to be touched – it is only then have you responded to your spouse’s needs and this will sway his/her affection and respect towards you.
When you talk to others about your spouse, share whatever saying that is good for building up as the need may be so that it may convey what is favourable about him/her to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29).
Also when you are alone with your spouse, resist the urge to use mockery and name calling (Read 2 Samuel 6: 20-23); remember to choose you words carefully when you speak with your spouse.
In conclusion, accept each other as you are and respect what is different about your spouse – do you know that your eyes work differently than your ears? yet they co-operate so that you can cross the road safely.
When your spouse has a different opinion or reaction than you do, don’t just focus on your own interest consider his/her feelings too. Respect is one of the keys to a happy and lasting marriage, it brings contentment, security and success to marriage.
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