TEARING DOWN STRONGHOLDS - In Marriage

The marital relationship is supposed to be a place where your feelings are safe with your spouse because you are in partnership -- being careful and considerate with each other’s feelings. You don't expect to be ridiculed, deceived, or assaulted with poisonous words and/or physical abuse. And neither should you do any of these things to your spouse. And yet this is what is happening in homes all over the world in epidemic proportions -- even with those that claim to be Christ-followers. It's absolutely heart breaking. And it's ABSOLUTELY WRONG – it is something that needs to

be addressed and worked against.

God shows us throughout the Bible, that we are to live our lives together in such a way that we communicate the gospel both WITH and WITHOUT words -- by our actions AND our words. We have to be mindful of both.

As it tells us in the Bible, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves ‘’DO WHAT IT SAYS’’  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man, who looks at his face in the mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it --he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself or herself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." (James 1:22-26)

"I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:1-3). Are you living your married lives with each other in this manner? Is your marriage a place where you are "bearing with one another in love?"

Dr. Fred Lowery, author of the book, "Covenant Marriage," wrote the following on this issue: "You've got to build a safety net -- an atmosphere so that each person is able to be honest. I can say what I feel. I can express my feelings, my emotions, knowing that I'm not going to be made fun of, laughed at, or put down or taken advantage of. You build that kind of closeness.

"It's pulling back the layers of our life because you're safe with that person -- that one person where you can open the shutters of your life and be absolutely real, knowing that you're going to be loved in that process. There is no greater key to marriage than safe communication, because if you can't communicate, you can't have a great marriage."

That is what you should address throughout this year. Your goal should be to make your married life where the love of God flows freely -- where you and your spouse unconditionally exhibit the love and grace of Christ to each other. See this as a year of ”Choices/Changes." See it as year when you will tear down every "stronghold" of your married life that "sets itself up against the knowledge of God" and "take captive of every thought [and action] to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5).

Simply put, a stronghold is "a place having strong defenses; a fortified place; a strongly defended place." Sometimes having a stronghold in our attitude towards certain actions can be a good thing -- when we strongly defend and do that which is right. But when we strongly hold onto an attitude or behavior that "sets itself up against the knowledge of God" -- that which God says is wrong, we need to tear it down and destroy it. That should be your goal -- to work on those areas of your married life that is a sinful stronghold, where you need to make pro-active choices and changes that reflect the love of Christ in all you do.

To do this we really need to define what sin is because "until we understand what it is we'll never take its consequences seriously” And unless we fully recognize sin we may not see how important it is to root it out and destroy it.

"Sin is whatever: Weakens your sense of reasoning, impairs the tenderness of your heart, obscures your sense of God, or takes away your desire for spiritual things. In short, if anything increases the authority of the flesh over the Spirit, no matter how good it is in and of itself - that is sin."

If you recognize any of these sinful strongholds in your thinking and your actions within your marriage you must work together with your spouse to tear them down, making this year of "Choices and Changes" -- catching and reflecting the love of God in every way possible!

Keep this in mind, "Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen your love and reverence, trust and obedience for Jesus Christ. Your marriage is not about you. It's about Christ -- becoming as Christ"

This is to be your continual goal!